Yeah...Yeah, that is funny!

As requested: Five songs I hate with all my heart

2009-04-21T14:19:00.000-07:00

I mean no disrespect if you like these songs, or if you have an emotional attachment to them. Just know that I don't. I'm the king of taking offense at musical tastes, so please know that I understand where you're coming from.

1. Margaritaville
2. Hotel California
3. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
4. My Humps
5. Hollaback Girl

Five gestures I hate with all my heart

2009-04-10T05:01:00.000-07:00

1. The "hitting yourself with the inside of your wrist on the chest," as if to indicate mental retardation.

2. Putting your finger in your ear while singing.

3. Gang signs.

4. The robot.

5. Showing people, uninvited, where "the gun show" is.

Self-Doubt, and what it can do to you

2009-04-03T14:28:00.001-07:00

So Kami and I went and heard Pulitzer ("Puh-litzer" or "Pew-litzer?") Prize-winning author David McCullough at Belmont on Monday night, and he convicted me - a history major working in a historic institution - to bone up on my American history.

I started thinking about how many Presidents I knew. I did know that there were 44 presidents, and that's where I started: How many presidents could I name? I got 30. That's bad. So I started working on it, and by yesterday morning I was at the point where I could name 40 of the 44 presidents. At lunch today I got 43 of the US presidents, in order.

Here's my problem, I had to look it up to see if Warren Harding's middle name started with a "G." Because I had been calling him "Warren G. Harding" since high school. And here's where my self-doubt crept in. Was I calling him "Warren G Harding" because that's what his name is, or because of the rapper Warren G.?

Panic led to the White House's website. Thank God it's Warren Gamaliel Harding.

This is absolutely horrifying

2009-03-31T19:31:00.000-07:00

Regard:

SCITUATE, Mass. (AP) - A Massachusetts youth soccer coach told parents in an e-mail his team of 6- and 7-year-old girls would be known as "Green Death," encouraged them to feed their daughters "undercooked red meat" and said "losing is for losers."

Coach Michael Kinahan has since resigned from the Scituate (SIH'-choo-et) Youth Soccer League. He says he was joking in last week's season-opening e-mail.

League official Chris Park tells the Patriot Ledger of Quincy that Kinahan has a "wry, sarcastic" sense of humor and some parents understood the e-mail's tone. But others didn't and complained.

Kinahan also wrote he would heckle referees, expected players to "bleed a little" and wanted parents to cheer, not sit on the sidelines "sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos." .

--

I'm horrified by this - but not in the way you may think. I'm horrified because that could very easily have been me. I laughed out loud because this is obviously meant to be sarcastic, but no one got it, and because of some chino-wearing soccer moms and dads who are too busy for their kids, but try to drop them off for an hour on Saturday mornings at the Y to assuage their pathetic consciences (alert: that was sarcasm. Don't take my blog away), this guy won't be coaching 6- and 7-year old girls soccer. I would have written that e-mail. Michael Kinahan: Want to hang out?

My four favorite days of the year

2009-03-19T04:31:00.000-07:00

March Madness: It's how I know baseball is about to start playing games that don't tease me into thinking they're important. Of course I fill out brackets, and of course there are multiple brackets, and of course they're not exactly the same. I go back and forth on the strategy of this. Especially in the ones where, should you pick every game (impossible), you win a lot of money - which would be nice.

Do you fill out the same bracket for each won, ultimately increasing your chances of winning a "God-awful" amount of money? Or do you spread it around and hope you caught lightning in a bottle on one of them? Anyhow, here are my picks - feel free to mock:

Midwest:
Louisville, Siena, Utah, Wake, Vest Virginia, Kansas, USC, Michigan State

West:
UConn, BYU (I wouldn't pick A&M if they were playing the University of Whoville), Purdue, Washington, Utah State, Missouri, Maryland, Memphis

East:
Pitt, Oklahoma State, Florida State, Xavier, UCLA, Villanova, Minnesota, Duke

South:
UNC, Butler, W Kentucky, Gonzaga, Temple, Syracuse, Michigan, Oklahoma

---

Midwest:
Louisville, Wake, West Virginia, Michigan State
Louisville, Michigan State
Louisville

West:
UConn, Washington, Utah State, Memphis
UConn, Memphis
Memphis

East:
Pitt, Xavier, UCLA, Duke
Pitt, UCLA
Pitt

South:
UNC, Gonzaga, Syracuse, Oklahoma
UNC, Syracuse
UNC

Semifinals:
Memphis, Pitt

Champion:
Memphis

Skull and Bones is very literal in their moniker

2009-02-19T04:42:00.000-08:00

Weird.

Five Shows I Hate Most Of All

2009-02-09T19:05:00.001-08:00

The first in a series of things I hate with all my heart.

5. Saved by the Bell
4. Desperate Housewives
3. Alien Nation
2. Will & Grace
1. All in the Family

Jaydiohead - if you're so inclined

2009-02-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

I love Jay-Z. I also love Radiohead. I also also love Mash-Ups - lyrics Song A mixed with instumentation from Song B.

So when I saw Jaydiohead, I was intrigued....

Whoever did this deserves to be terminated

2009-02-05T11:09:00.001-08:00

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That's a Swayzetaur, if you're wondering.

The traffic on this blog

2009-02-04T07:22:00.001-08:00

It's interesting. I have this Site Meter thing on the sidebar over here (look to your right) that tells me some information about who comes to my blog. It's fun, because it's vain, and vanity wouldn't be a sin if it wasn't fun on some level.

Anyhow, you can see how people got to your blog - kind of. The entry pages are there, and do you want to know the most popular, by far, page on my blog, now of over 200 posts and counting?

This post.

Yeah, it's a picture of a skunk that was posted in advance of the better story of Angus and Kami getting hammered by a skunk. But no, the cartoon rendering of Pepe le Pew is the single most popular page on my blog. Humbling, huh?

Time-Honored Cliches, and My Apparent Lack of Comprehension

2009-01-25T12:16:00.001-08:00

So today in church we were talking about giving. And how you are told from the time you are little to save your money for a rainy day. Does anyone actually know what this means? Because I'll be 29 years old next week and I just realized what saving your money for a rainy day means.

Apparently it means to save your money for a time when you're really going to need it. As in the Rainy Day is a metaphor for a crappy situation, like when your washer breaks or you need a new set of tires.

Are you kidding me? You expect a 7-year old to know what that means? Because until about 10:40am Eastern time, I thought saving your money for a rainy day meant to save your money until the weather sucks. Because when the weather sucks you can't go out and play, you might as well go to the mall. And spend money.

Is there any wonder our country is running a trillion-dollar deficit? Because there's a generation of us who think that you're supposed to spend your money when there's nothing else to do.

You know how much I love to watch people fall.

2009-01-24T07:29:00.000-08:00

Red Bull Crashed Ice in Quebec City. A.K.A. "Human NASCAR." Thanks, Deadspin.

South Yorkshire, England

2009-01-23T04:10:00.001-08:00

Question

2009-01-20T12:19:00.001-08:00

Sneezing: Love it or hate it?

Sooo...Sam Bradford is staying

2009-01-16T03:38:00.000-08:00

While that is an admirable decision, it's still an interesting one. Projected as a #1 pick (with the money that comes with that selection), Bradford is staying in Norman. Yes, he could get hurt next season. Yes, he could fall on his face next season.

But he's still only a sophomore. We're talking about a 19/20-year old guy. And not just a wide receiver or tight end, a quarterback. A position that guys like Ray Lewis will try to murder on the field, and he's too young for that. You could say that 24 and 25-year old guys are too young to face Ray Lewis, but still...

Also, I think this has more to say about the Lions than it does OU. Bradford is willing to give up that money to not play for the Lions, where he would absolutely start next season. Nope, better to sit this one out, maybe lose some draft value and go to a team like the Colts or Seahawks.

And don't you think next year's Red River Rivalry will be AWESOME?

Wow. Who could ever have possibly seen this coming!?

2009-01-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

Abilene Christian U. Will Continue iPhone Giveaway, but Gadgets Add to Worries About Cheating

By JEFFREY R. YOUNG- Chronicle of Higher Education

Many students at Abilene Christian University now walk the campus tapping messages into their cellphones or listening to music rather than calling out hellos to passers-by.

The university's unusual effort to give every freshman an iPhone or iPod Touch has been a huge success, officials say, and they recently decided to continue the project in the fall. But the devices are altering campus life at the 4,800-student college—and students say that not all of the shifts are positive.

"It has changed how people interact with one another on a day-to-day basis," said Daniel Paul Watkins, a senior who is president of the student government. "Now walking around campus, nine out of 10 students either have their iPod headphones in or they're texting or they're talking on the phone," he said. Sure, that's happening at colleges across the country, but Mr. Watkins, who bought his iPhone, believes it is even more pronounced at a campus that has pushed the latest cellphones. "The West Texas charm of 'Hey, howdy, everybody knows your name,' has shifted inward—everyone's enthralled by their device."

Mr. Watkins also said that a few students were using the iPhones to cheat, furtively looking up test answers on the Internet (The Chronicle, October 10, 2008). .

"Since the iPhones were introduced, I honestly think that academic integrity has gone down," said Mr. Watkins. "I've seen people cheat, and I've heard people talk about how easy it is to cheat."

Administrators said that because Internet-ready phones are popular on many campuses, Abilene Christian is not alone in wrestling with such social impacts of the technology. And officials say they have not seen a rise in reports of cheating, and they defend the friendliness of the institution.

But because the college is aggressively encouraging students to make the smartphone a key communication tool, the campus serves as an interesting laboratory for examining the gadgets’ impacts—both positive and negative.

"One of the things we want to do over time is try to work on how do we develop the etiquette around these devices," said Kevin Roberts, the university's chief information officer. He said administrators were considering adding discussions about the social and ethical impacts of the phones in a mandatory course for freshmen next year.

And the university is developing technological tools that can prevent using iPhones to cheat. Specifically, developers are building software that will let a professor take control of the iPhone of every student in a classroom. That would allow the professor to send information or images to each student's phone for educational purposes, but it could also be used to block use of the phones during a test, said Mr. Roberts. "It could be something like parental controls on your TV," he added. Officials hope to have a prototype of the system ready by the fall.

Over all, Mr. Roberts said that he was "thrilled" with how smoothly the iPhone experiment has gone so far and how much students and professors are making use of the devices for educational purposes.

About 85 percent of freshmen at the university see the iPhones as "very valuable" to their education, according to preliminary results of a university survey. And the freshmen said that 20 percent of their courses made some use of the devices during the semester.

Officials plan to release the full results of the survey, and a report on their experiences so far, at a national conference at the campus next month that will explore the use of cellphones at colleges.

William Rankin, an associate professor of English at Abilene Christian who is coordinating academic uses of iPhones there, said programmers at the university had built software tools that let professors conduct instant quizzes using the devices. The professors can ask true-or-false or multiple-choice questions, and they can allow for free-form responses. The software can quickly sort and display the answers so that a professor can view responses privately or share them with the class by projecting them on a screen.

The university also designed a version of the university Web site for display on iPhones so that students can view course materials and even register for courses using their phones.

Entering freshmen were given the choice of receiving either a free iPhone or a free iPod Touch, which has all the same features as the iPhone except for cellphone service. Mr. Rankin said that about two-thirds of students chose the iPhone.

Mr. Watkins, the student-government president, said that despite his concerns about the iPhone program, he praised the college's efforts to develop services for the devices. And he said the project has improved the university's reputation. "In the long run," he said, "it's going to make my degree worth more."

---

1. Wait. You mean giving college freshman an incredibly popular device ideally used with your head down and headphones in is going to cut down on human interaction? Say it ain't so!

2. Did you see the statistic? 20% of classes utilized the iPhone. 20%. I'm sure that's the success rate They had in mind in developing this.

3. Mr. Watkins' degree will be worth more because people know ACU as the iPhone school. I'm calling Bull****.

4. Cheating! With a school-sponsored piece of equipment that the professors apparently don't know how to use, who would ever think of cheating?

5. If classes and professors aren't using the iPhone for educational purposes, then this whole "experiment" was little more than the same marketing attempt you see in the airport where you get free tickets or a beach towel for applying for a credit card.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you...the most annoying couple in the world!

2009-01-11T06:00:00.001-08:00

It's Pants-Pisser and Tad Hamilton!

Yeah, they got married.

No, I'm serious! Look!

A few thoughts on this So-Called Championship Series

2009-01-07T18:07:00.000-08:00

So I couldn't figure out why Mack Brown wasn't calling timeouts as Colt McCoy led his glorious, fevered march down the field to shame Le Chiffre and the Ohio State Buckeyes. Then I remembered: he probably didn't want to give Blake Gideon enough time to wreck the season. Again. (Who gave up the touchdown to Terrelle Pryor Monday night? Oh. Yeah.)

So I'm a level-headed guy. Despite the rather mean-spirited preceding paragraph. The main reason why I was so terrified Ohio State would win was not because I love Texas and ranked Ohio State as #2 on my Most Hated College Football Teams list - though that's true.

No, I could not bear the thought of the BCS getting it right. We saw Utah whup Alabama. Some of us even saw someone win the Virginia Tech/Cincinnati game. The Texas/Ohio State game was too close, and the jury is out on what will happen when Florida and Oklahoma play tomorrow. But had Ohio State beat Texas, then the BCS would have been right. I'm not sure what it will mean if Florida beats Oklahoma (though other, less level-headed college football fans, will say it means Texas belonged there all along). But I'm willing to sacrifice for the good of everybody.

With Texas not even having a chance to play for the National Championship, there's something wrong, and even the most Stoopsian Loyalist can admit that. Or maybe they can't. Because there are too many football fans who love the BCS when their team benefits. And too many football fans hate the BCS when their team is left out. Don't get me wrong, I'm mad as hell that Brian Orakpo won't have a chance to eat Tebow's face. But if Texas doesn't get that chance, the BCS is suspect.

I'm fine with it, because there are enough people in truly powerful positions who think it's suspect, too. And that pleases me. There's a 50/50 chance Florida will win the National Championship, and Tebow is William Wallace, I get that. But Texas won't have to play Florida. And that pleases me, too. If Oklahoma loses, I can rely on ESPN to turn about-face and get righteously indignant (though they're the same numbnuts who just signed a contract to extend the BCS' Reign of Terror to 2014.)

If it meant that in 2009 Texas, who will probably be the pre-season #1 (don't even get me started on pre-season rankings), lost to Oklahoma but won the Big 12 and would get the nod over some other, more deserving team for the National Championship and then got smoked by USC...I would be fine with that. Because it's another chance to ruin the BCS.

I'll not stand by and rail on the BCS all season long and say it's a fair system when my team comes out on top. I will not be that guy. I'm a post-modern college football fan. Because I love college football, and I love all of you. And post-modernism is so in right now. Are you with me? ARE YOU WITH ME?

Awesome headline on CNN.

2009-01-06T19:28:00.000-08:00

The headline is "Secret Service to Unveil Presidential Limo."

My favorite part of the story is that, underneath, the picture was the caption: "The car will be all black."

As if President Obama's limo would be a primer gray Lincoln-logged Escalade. Thanks, CNN!

Jim Tressel vs. Le Chiffre

2009-01-06T04:33:00.000-08:00

I'm working on some thoughts regarding Texas, Oklahoma, USC and the BCS. But first, there's nothing more juvenile than to disparage someone's appearance. And haven't you seen the title of this blog?

I bring you Jim Tressel, coach of Ohio State.

And Le Chiffre, villain in Casino Royale.

On eating solely vegetables

2009-01-04T04:33:00.001-08:00

Alright, so here's a little confession I need to make.

Remember the week of Thanksgiving I posted a blog detailing my decision early last year to stop eating meat. I equated it to Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus. I gave you statistical nuggets about the small percentage of Americans who do not eat meat, and then used this nugget to beat my own chest - a la Kobe Bryant - as I ran down the court toward another plate of green beans.

Then we all went to New York City. At a TGI Friday's on Broadway (Mistake #1) I was faced with the choice of buying a $16 salad or not eating. Then a third option popped up: eat the chicken fingers for $3 more. I ate the chicken fingers.

As I ate Poultry Phalangee, I discovered something awful: it was glorious. I hoped I would get sick, just as a way of reinforcing my decision. Instead, my gastronomic territory treated it as such:

So then we had a pot roast for Christmas Eve. And then some roast beef on Christmas Day. And now I'm a recovering vegetarian. I know I judged you for eating meat. Please don't return the favor.

Glaring Omissions

2008-12-30T16:07:00.000-08:00

My dear cousin-in-law pointed out a couple of inconsistencies in my list:

1. The Format - "Dog Problems" should still be on a Top 10 list, even two years later.

2. My Morning Jacket's "Evil Urges" should be on the list somewhere. I can't get over how much I hate the "sexy librarian" song long enough to overlook it. But the songs on that album I like...I really like.

3. Coldplay, as well, should have been in the 20-11 list.

Anybody else? Omissions? Concurrences? (Is that a word?)

Album #1!

2008-12-30T08:06:00.001-08:00

It's finally here, though it seems nobody gives two craps about my little list here...

My favorite album of 2008! The Broken West's "Now or Heaven."

Says QRO Magazine: " It’s invigorating, growing, and just flat-out excellent indie-power-pop that brings the sunshine as well as anything out there."

Says The Onion's A.V. Club: "The songwriting is better this time around, with sharp hooks that draw blood once they grab on. On the stunning "Ambuscade," the record's highlight, driving guitars and bass slip and slither beneath an airy feeling of deep melancholy only hinted at on the debut."

Says I: "My favorite album of the year!"

Album #2

2008-12-28T13:13:00.000-08:00

Vampire Weekend's "Vampire Weekend"

Says Pitchfork Media: "Bring any baggage you want to this record, and it still returns nothing but warm, airy, low-gimmick pop, peppy, clever, and yes, unpretentious-- four guys who listened to some Afro-pop records, picked up a few nice ideas, and then set about making one of the most refreshing and replayable indie records in recent years."

Says Robert Christgau: "Affecting a clarity and delight that pleases the many and confounds the some, their lyrically alluring, structurally hop-skip-and-jumping songs aren't deep. They're just thoughtful fun."

Says the Austin Chronicle: "No, it's that the songs are so undeniably catchy and aware of their pretensions as to deflect inevitable deconstruction. The Ivy Leaguers transcend simple irony through an almost absurd self-consciousness, "Oxford Comma" wrangling Lil Jon and Buddhist lamas to reveal an exploited authenticity anyway."

Says I: "2nd-Best Album of the Year!"

Don't these people watch SportsCenter?

2008-12-27T09:44:00.000-08:00

Man shoots talker at movies, police say

(CNN) -- A man angry that a family was talking during a movie threw popcorn at the son and then shot the father in the arm, according to police in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

James Joseph Cialella, 29, was charged with attempted murder, aggravated assault and weapons violations, a police report said.

Cialella told the family sitting in front of him in the theater on Christmas Day to be quiet, police said.

An argument ensued while others at the Riverview Movie Theatre watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," starring Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett, The Philadelphia Inquirer reported.

Cialella then approached the family from the left side of the aisle and shot the father, who was not identified, as he was standing between Cialella and his family, according to the police report.

The victim was taken to Jefferson Hospital with a gunshot wound to his left arm, police said.

Cialella was carrying a Kel-Tec .380-caliber handgun clipped inside his sweatpants, police said. He was arrested and taken into custody.

----

1. He's already been charged with attempted murder and the weapons violation - that's for the gunshot wound and the gun, I'm guessing. Was the aggravated assault from the popcorn throwing?

2. Why was the family talking in the movie?

3. Why was a guy wearing a gun to see a movie by himself?

4. He was wearing sweatpants to the Christmas Day movie. Oh yeah, with a .380-caliber Kel-Tec handgun clipped inside.

5. Look, I wear sweatpants on occasion. I've actually lost my favorite pair of jeans, so I've been wearing trousers around the house lately, but if I have a pair of keys, or maybe some lip balm in the pocket it pulls them down. How tight were those sweatpants that a clipped up handgun wouldn't pull the band down?

6. The argument escalated to the point that an argument about talking in a movie spilled into the aisle and ended with gunshots. "Shhhh" seems to work just fine.

7. Give it up to the guy for standing in front of his family to stand up in front of an angry Brad Pitt fan on Christmas Day.

8. I bet this guy is a football fan. Doesn't he remember Plaxico Burress? Never put a gun in your sweats.

9. This is why I don't go see movies.

Album #3

2008-12-26T18:09:00.000-08:00

The White Rabbits' "Fort Nightly"
(Listen to "The Plot")
(Listen to "Kid on My Shoulders")

Says the All Music Guide: "If Liberace joined a swing band, and enlisted a guitarist addicted to eclecticism (Western, surf flecked, and C&W (included), it might sound a bit like this. Yet somehow, The White Rabbits pull this surreal set straight out of the hat, because for all its fractured elements, the group still magically conjure up coherent, complete songs. As lyrically eclectic and clever as it is musically, this is one fascinating album."

Says PopMatters: "Not since The Strokes’ Is This It? has a indie-rock debut been so infectious, yet is so, effectively balanced with a world-weary swagger. The White Rabbits’ Fort Nightly hijacks the ear and never lets go as it saunters, bursts and recoils with a fusion of ska, tango tweaked guitar riffs and shouts edging toward desperation."

Says the Village Voice: "The White Rabbits are that overfriendly high school junior in the pleated chinos who somehow ends up sleeping with the hottest senior gymnast at a party he wasn't invited to via sheer dorky charisma alone. Nearly embarrassing levels of enthusiasm, sincerity, and energy inform Fort Nightly, the band's surprisingly meaty debut."

Says I: "One of the top three albums of the year!"

2008-12-26T12:46:00.001-08:00

2-Year-Old Donkey Called Up To Pro Donkey Basketball League

Album #4

2008-12-25T18:10:00.000-08:00

Raphael Saadiq's "The Way I See It"

Says Entertainment Weekly: "Backed by a galvanizing ensemble of musicians that would make the Funk Brothers proud, Saadiq belts out effervescent love songs with infectious vigor. Except for cameos from Joss Stone (''Just One Kiss'') and Jay-Z (the remix of ''Oh Girl''), this disc could easily be mistaken for some  lost gem from the civil rights era."

Says legendary music critic Robert Christgau: "Singing with the obliging malleability of last Temptation Dennis Edwards, emoting with the sweet specificity of miracle worker Smokey Robinson, he goes Motown with so much joy in one-man-band craft he'll not only convince the girl he's sweet-talking that this is forever, he'll convince you."

Says the Village Voice: "Raphael's juke joint is all horn stabs, tambourines, Temptations-inspired rhythms, doo-wop pathos, and patient pining-after ballads like "Oh Girl," "Callin'," and "Never Give You Up," for which Stevie Wonder dusts off the ol' harmonica. Even while Saadiq pays homage to soul's golden era, he brings his own flavor through his tell-tale tenor;"

Says I: "Top Ten Album of the Year!"

Worst Christmas song ever!

2008-12-25T07:29:00.001-08:00

Listen, I'm not a big fan of Christmas music. I do like Johnny Mercer's version of "Sleigh Ride." And U2's version of "Christmas, Baby Please Come Home."

But there are too many songs like this. Enjoy, I present you the lyrics to "Christmas Conga" by Cyndi Lauper...

"It's time to make the christmas punch
Let's hang the streamers from the ceiling
Bring out the old cheer
Ring in the new year
And get that Christmas feeling

Chorus:
I wish you joy that never ends
Happy times with all your friends
Come on and hold my hips a little longer
As we do the christmas conga,
Bonga, bonga, bonga, bonga
Do the christmas conga

The old white tree still looks good
And grandma's angels got me thinking
String up the new lights,
Brighten the cold nights
And get those baubles blinking

Chorus:
I wish you joy that never ends
Happy times with all your friends
Come on and hold my hips a little longer
As we do the christmas conga,
Bonga, bonga, bonga, bonga
Do the christmas conga

And then we'll put on party hats
As the year comes to a conclusion
Turn on the yule log
Spike up the egg nog
And break those resolutions

Chorus:
I wish you joy that never ends
Happy times with all your friends
Come on and hold my hips a little longer
As we do the christmas conga,
Bonga, bonga, bonga, bonga
Do the christmas conga"

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T19:47:00.001-08:00

First Peanuts cartoon - brutal.

Album #5

2008-12-23T16:55:00.000-08:00

Okkervil River's "The Stand Ins"

Says Pitchfork (I know): "In short, the band complements and counterbalances Sheff's cerebral songwriting simply by rocking out. His braininess is perhaps his greatest asset, and he's become one of the best lyric-writers going in indie rock, with a dense and distinctive style that trades on wordplay and internal rhymes."

Says Paste Magazine: "And Okkervil River itself performs here with an organic ease that’s dramatic without reaching for histrionics, continuing to tattoo its rough folkish flesh with Motown horns (“Starry Stairs”), power-pop overdrive (“Pop Lie”) and chugging New Wave bass (“Lost Coastlines”)."

Says Harp: "Will Sheff sings like he's on fire but writes like a novelist, reeling off memorable images with an ease that belies his craftsmanship."

Says I: "Top Ten Album of the Year!"

Album #6

2008-12-22T19:28:00.000-08:00

A note of clarification about yesterday's #7 album of the year - The Airborne Toxic Event's "The Airborne Toxic Event."

It's not true that I couldn't find one favorable review. It's just that the ones who didn't like it, really didn't like it. For instance Pitchfork Media gave the album a 1.6. Out of ten. 1.6. For God's sake, Madonna's new album got a 5.3, and there's no way "Hard Candy" is over three times better than The Airborne Toxic Event.

I hate bush-league crap like that. Regard an excerpt from the review...
"The Airborne Toxic Event is an album that's almost insulting in its unoriginality; while the sound most outsiders attribute to Los Angeles has been marginalized to Metal Skool and the average customer at the Sunset Boulevard Guitar Center, TATE embodies the Hollywood ideal of paying lip service to the innovations of mavericks while trying to figure out how to reduce it to formula."

Bullcrap. That's a good album.

On to #6. Ray LaMontagne's "Gossip in the Grain"

Says the All Music Guide: "Ray LaMontagne's third album, Gossip in the Grain is as different from 2007's Till the Sun Turns Black as that album was from 2006's Trouble. The deep, heart-of-night atmospherics of the preceding disc have been jettisoned in favor of a brightly lit palette of textures and instruments that legendary producer and multi-instrumentalist Ethan Johns uses to illustrate LaMontagne's considerable ambitions as a writer."

Says the Boston Globe: "It flows much like a classic Van Morrison album and shares a sleepy kinship with work by contemporaries Cat Power and Ryan Adams as it moves from crisp Southern soul to raw-boned blues to gossamer acoustic folk-pop."

Says the Austin Chronicle: "It finds the perfect balance between his raw emotional pull, singed in the soft sway of "Let It Be Me" and on desperate ballad "Winter Birds," with Ethan Johns' deftly layered production and arrangements, which accents "I Still Care for You" with haunting steel and hazy reverb and "Sarah" with delicate strings."

Says I: "Top Ten Album of the Year!"

The Darkness to reform?

2008-12-22T13:13:00.001-08:00

From NME.com

Justin Hawkins and co supposedly consider dusting off their catsuits

Dec 22, 2008

The Darkness are considering reforming for a new album and tour, according to newspaper reports.

The band, who split in 2006, are apparently considering an offer made by the US entrepreneur behind the Dubai Desert Rocks festival to tour in 2009, reports The Sun.

However, bitter internal disputes between all four band members may put any possible reunion in jeopardy.

Relations between singer Justin Hawkins and brother/guitarist Dan Hawkins have apparently been strained since the band's break-up, and the guitarist and drummer Ed Graham are also suing the band's management over money they claim they are owed.

Bassist Frankie Poullain left the group in 2005, though it is not clear if a proposed reunion would include him.

As previously reported, Justin Hawkins' new band Hot Leg made their live debut at London's Proud Galleries on August 6.

---

Has anyone heard this "Hot Leg" band?

Be honest now...

2008-12-22T06:17:00.001-08:00

If I used a suppository, and did a live blog about it, would you find it:

a) Hilarious
b) Disgusting
c) Disturbing
d) In keeping with the holiday spirit
e) All of the above

Album #7

2008-12-21T17:25:00.000-08:00

The Airborne Toxic Event's "The Airborne Toxic Event"

Wow. I couldn't find one halfway favorable review.

Says I: "Top 10 Album of the Year!"

Album #8

2008-12-20T16:14:00.000-08:00

Bon Iver's "For Emma, Forever Ago"

Says Pitchfork Media: "It's as if he's trying to inhabit the in-between spaces separating musical expression and private rumination, exposing his regrets without relinquishing them. His emotional exorcism proves even more intense for being so tentative."

Says Rolling Stone: "This album is a quiet marvel — just the sound of a sad guitar boy locking himself up in a cabin deep in the woods."

Says The A.V. Club: "The power is in how these songs sound rather than what the opaque lyrics don't quite spell out, perhaps because some things are just too tough to say."

Says I: "Top 10 Album of the Year!"

New U2 Album!

2008-12-19T11:28:00.001-08:00

My favorite band of all-time - U2 - will release "No Line on the Horizon" on March 2, 2009.

The fact that U2 are still my favorite band of all-time is a topic about which I have spent much time considering. Because I don't listen to U2 as much as I do the Pernice Brothers, or Spoon, or Wilco, or The Broken West. So I guess my Top Band list is a constitutional monarchy. U2 sits on the throne, and I entertain a number of Prime Ministers.

Give it up for U2.

Album #9

2008-12-18T18:20:00.000-08:00

Beck's "Modern Guilt."

Says Rolling Stone: "Co-produced by Danger Mouse, Modern Guilt indulges Beck's love of Sixties psychedelic music, and the results are vividly rendered — all acid-trip guitars, mod dance-party beats, daisy-chain harmonies and thundering percussion. But beneath the DayGlo arrangements lie some deeply bummed-out songs about living in a time of war ("Walls"), environmental degradation ("Gamma Ray") and widening generation gaps ("Youthless"). Danger Mouse brings a hip-hop DJ's love of funky old rock records; Beck brings the end-of-the-Sixties, pre-apocalyptic hangover."

Says Pitchfork Media: "Though Modern Guilt is more direct and consistent than his last two scattershot LPs, it also finds the disillusioned L.A. hippie struggling to balance his deathly outlook with his more crowd-pleasing inclinations."

Says Variety: "Three songs into Beck's collaboration with producer Danger Mouse and there's a sense that the L.A. singer-songwriter is drifting full-bore into a psychedelic classic, a thoroughly modern take on Syd Barrett with production elements that have never been heard on a Beck album."

Says I: "Top Ten Album of 2008!"

A Note on These Top 10 Albums of the Year

2008-12-18T04:16:00.001-08:00

There are going to be some albums on this list that did not come out in 2008. I hope you're not of the legalistic type, because that's just how it's going to be. These are the Top 10 Albums of the Year, based on when I heard them. What would you rather have - the best albums I heard all year, or to go back in time and backdate these posts, so you have to search through years of archives to find them? I'm sorry, that's just the way it's going to be...

The Long-Awaited 2008 Top 10 Albums of the Year

2008-12-17T16:16:00.000-08:00

Bad couple of days. Let's talk about something fun.

Album #10:

TV on the Radio's "Dear Science."

Says the New York Times: "Few if any working rock bands have the rhythmic intelligence of TV on the Radio"

Says Rolling Stone: "'Dear Science' is a brilliant balancing act between pop aspiration and music-geek aesthetics."

Says NME: "'Dear Science' cuts through genres like a laser through a music encyclopaedia, making strange connections, but always with pop clarity as the ultimate aim."

Says I: "Top Ten Album of the Year."

So who's it gonna be

2008-12-13T15:02:00.000-08:00

Tebow? Bradford? McCoy?

2008 Albums of the Year - Honorable Mention

2008-12-12T12:31:00.003-08:00

It took me a little while to narrow it down (keep in mind we didn't have a television for most of this year. We listened to a lot of music).

So before we kick off the Top 10 Albums of the Year, I wanted to include albums 20-11, just because they were really good...

20. Foals - Antidote.
19. Sleepercar - West Texas
18. James Morrison - Songs For You, Truth For Me (that white boy can sing)
17. The Killers - Day & Age
16. Marching Band - Spark Large
15. The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound
14. A.C. Newman - The Slow Wonder
13. Ryan Adams & The Cardinals - Cardinology
12. Dr. Dog - We All Belong
11. Nada Surf - The Weight is a Gift (Yes, it came out in 2005. I heard it three months ago. Shut up.)

Great. Now Tebow will win another stupid Heisman

2008-12-10T15:03:00.000-08:00

Sam Bradford and Colt McCoy will split votes among the southwest voters, who can't even agree on the Big 12 Player of the Year.

So Tebow will probably win the Heisman again. A quote from Mr. Tebow. Maybe you've heard it before. "You will never see another player on SportsCenter as much as I am on SportsCenter. You will never see another team dominate national coverage like we will dominate national coverage. You will never, actually, see another member of the Florida Gators on ESPN the rest of this season. God bless."

2008-12-02T05:38:00.000-08:00

Calling OU/Texas fans

2008-12-01T07:09:00.000-08:00

French essayist Joseph Joubert said, "It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it."

Please answer these questions - honestly. You are also not allowed to respond to other people's answers until I say so. If you respond to a previous commenter before the say-so, I will delete your comment.

For OU fans:

1. What was the key game for you this season in determining #2 or #3?

2. What are your thoughts on the October 11 Texas-Oklahoma game?

3. If you were in Texas' position, what would be your reaction?

4. What did you think of Mack Brown spending five minutes on the phone with Musberger during the OU-OSU game?

5. What matters to you most: style points or competition?

For Texas fans:

1. What was the key game for you this season in determining #2 or #3?

2. What are your thoughts on the October 11 Texas-Oklahoma game?

3. If you were in Oklahoma's position, what would be your reaction?

4. What did you think of Mack Brown spending five minutes on the phone with Musberger during the OU-OSU game?

5. What did you think of Bob Stoops' roundabout way of criticizing Texas for campaigning for the #2 spot?

6. Give me the best reason for you being absolutely insane today.

For neutral fans (and I will know if you are, in fact, neutral):

1. Who has the better argument for #2?

2. Who's the bigger titty-baby: OU or Texas?

3. Who do you hope gets beat by 50 in their bowl game: OU or Texas?

4. Should OU lose to Missouri on Saturday, who should take their place in the National Championship?

How all 65 AP voters voted...

2008-11-30T10:34:00.000-08:00

Here's how it played out this week... (links where available)

1. Alabama 2. Florida 3. Texas 4. Oklahoma: 21
Mark Anderson, Las Vegas Review-Journal
Steve Conroy, Boston Herald
Chris Fowler, ESPN
Bob Hammond, Laramie Boomerang
Kirk Herbstreit, WBNS-AM Columbus
Sal Interdonato, Middletown (NY) Record
Craig James, ABC
Joh Johnson, Dothan (AL) Eagle
Jim Mashek, Biloxi (MS) Sun Herald
Matt McCoy, WTVN-AM Columbus
Jeff McLane, Philadelphia Inquirer
Tom Mulhern, Wisconsin State Journal
Tom Murphy, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
Mike Prater, Idaho Statesman
Ray Ratto, San Francisco Chronicle
Randy Rosetta, Baton Rouge Advocate
Jake Schaller, Colorado Springs Gazette
Doug Segrest, Birmingham (AL) News
Kent Taylor, WAVE-3 Louisville
Mark Tupper, Decatur (IL) Herald
Adam Van Brimmer, Savannah Morning News

1. Alabama 2. Texas 3. Oklahoma 4. Florida: 13
Bret Bloomquist, El Paso Times
Kirk Bohls, Austin American-Statesman
Jimmy Burch, Fort Worth Star
Mike DeArmond, Kansas City Star
Joseph Duarte, Houston Chronicle
Ray Fittipaldo, Pittsburgh Post
Anthony Gimino, Tucson Citizen
Glenn Guilbeau, Gannett Louisiana
Tom Hart, CBS College Sports Net.
Tom Keegan, Lawrence (KN) Journal
Aditi Kinkhabwala, Bergen Record NJ
Stewart Mandel, si.com
Taylor Zarzour, WPTF 680 AM Raleigh

1. Alabama 2. Oklahoma 3. Florida 4. Texas: 9
Robbie Andreu, Gainesville Sun
Barker Davis, Washington Times
Herb Gould, Chicago Sun-Times
Mike Hlas, Cedar Rapids Gazette
Maurice Patton, Nashville Tenneseean
Joe Person, The State Columbia SC
Joe Rexrode, Lansing (MI) State Journal
Steve Sipple, Lincoln (NE) Star Journal
Mitch Vingle, Charleston (WV) Gazette

1. Alabama 2. Florida 3. Oklahoma 4. Texas: 8
Mike Ceide, WREG-TV, Memphis
Pete DiPrimio, Ft. Wayne News
Marcus Fuller, St. Paul (Minn.) Pioneer
Randy Harrison, Albuquerque Journal
Ferd Lewis, Honolulu Advertiser
Myron Patton, KOKH-TV Oklahoma City
Kevin Pearson, Riverside (CA) Press-Enterprise
Molly Yanity, Seattle Post-Intelligencer

1. Alabama 2. Oklahoma 3. Texas 4. Florida: 4
Bill Cole, Winston-Salem Journal
Jason Franchuk, Provo Daily Herald
Eric Hansen, South Bend Tribune
Mike Strain, Tulsa (OK) World

1. Alabama 2. Texas 3. Florida 4. Oklahoma: 3
Joe Giglio, Raleigh News & Observer
Doug Lesmerises, Cleveland Plain Dealer
Brett McMurphy, Tampa Tribune

1. Alabama 2. Florida 3. Oklahoma 4. USC 5. Texas: 2
John Heuser, Ann Arbor News
John Hunt, The Oregonian

1. Alabama 2. Florida 3. USC 4. Texas 5. Oklahoma: 2
Jim Lamar, Tallahassee Democrat
John Silver, Manchester Journal Inquirer

1. Florida 2. Alabama 3. Oklahoma 4. Texas: 1
Jeff White, Richmond VA Times

1. Florida 2. Oklahoma 3. Texas 4. Alabama: 1
Jon Wilner, San Jose Mercury-News

1. Florida 2. Alabama 3. Texas 4. Oklahoma: 1
Scott Wolf - Los Angeles Daily News

Let's make some bad decisions and think logically

2008-11-30T04:55:00.000-08:00

Alabama is undefeated (so far), so they're not in this discussion.

Florida: 11-1 overall, 7-1 in the SEC
Scored over 45 points in 7 of 12 games
Smallest margin of victory: 23 (vs. Miami (FL))
Avg. Margin of victory: 37 points
4-0 vs. ranked teams
2-0 vs. ranked teams on the road
Lost to Ole Miss at home, who was then unranked, but now is ranked.

OU: 11-1 overall, 7-1 in the Big 12
Scored over 45 points in 10 of 12 games
Smallest margin of victory: 14 (vs. Kansas)
Avg. Margin of victory: 32 points
3-1 vs. ranked teams
1-0 vs ranked teams on the road
Lost to Texas on a neutral field, giving up the most points of the season to UT
Beat Texas Tech at home, who beat Texas, at home.

Texas: 11-1 overall, 7-1 in the Big 12
Scored 45+ points in 7 of 12 games
Smallest margin of victory: 4 (vs. Oklahoma State)
Avg. Margin of victory: 28 points
3-1 vs. ranked teams
0-1 vs. ranked teams on the road
Beat OU on a neutral field
Lost to Texas Tech on the road, who lost to OU, on the road

As of Sunday morning, the Big 12 had five ranked teams in the Top 15. The SEC has four ranked teams in the Top 25. My advice? Don't talk about it with anyone. Don't bring this up. No one wants to hear it.

The Ridiculous Cost of A Hyundai Elantra

2008-11-29T15:14:00.000-08:00

So we're getting bad gas mileage. And I mean really bad gas mileage. Like 140 miles per tank. We're used to getting 330-350 miles per tank.

So we took the San Tafe (Santa Fe, for those of you who aren't...Kami) to the Hyundai dealership in Utica to have them take a look at it, because it still is under warranty. Pulling up to the service door, we see they are looking for Hyundai Santa Fe's for trade-ins.

I like the idea of that, as does my lovely wife. So we ask about a trade-in for a 2005 Hyundai Santa Fe. The Hyundai Elantra is nice, and gets good gas mileage, and is cheap. We owe about what the San Tafe is worth, so that's good, too. We're thinking about monthly payments of $230, or much less than what we currently pay per month.

Two years ago some lowlife punk creep decided to break into our car three days before Christmas. The LPC took a big rock and threw it at the passenger side window. Except he missed. And hit the door. And dented it. Then he tried again, presumably from a closer distance, and got the window, stole everything on the inside of the car - namely about 60 cds, including just about everything Radiohead has ever recorded. We never got the door fixed.

So they ask what we will put down (and I say "Canadians.") We explain this is a spur-of-the-moment decision, so...nothing. They want my car. I want a new one. They want to give me a new one. That means the score is 2-1 Us. Said Elantra, they say, will give us payments for the next six years at $400. For an Elantra.

We laugh and laugh. The lady gets up and goes to The Negotiating Room, where I swear they just hit refresh on their e-mail, and then come back in and say $365. We laugh and laugh. Because it doesn't make sense to pay more for six more years for a smaller car than it does to pay less for two more years until the San Tafe is paid off.

We ask: "What the..."

Apparently, there's $3000 worth of damage to that passenger side door, lowering the value of the trade in. I neglect to mention the obvious fact that there is a service department not twenty yards from where we're sitting. We leave. And they didn't find the reason we get bad gas mileage. Apparently an Elantra costs $46,000. Then we saw an ad for a new Lexus for $350 per month - so a new Lexus is cheaper than an '08 Elantra...

And I'm proud to be an American...

2008-11-28T14:26:00.000-08:00

NEW YORK — A Wal-Mart worker was killed Friday after an "out of control" throng of shoppers eager for post-Thanksgiving bargains broke down the doors at a suburban store and knocked him to the ground, police said.

At least four other people, including a woman eight months pregnant, were taken to hospitals for observation or minor injuries, and the store in Valley Stream on Long Island closed for several hours before reopening.

Nassau police said about 2,000 people were gathered outside the store doors at the mall about 20 miles east of Manhattan. The impatient crowd knocked the man to the ground as he opened the doors, leaving a metal portion of the frame crumpled like an accordion.

"This crowd was out of control," said Nassau police spokesman Lt. Michael Fleming. He described the scene as "utter chaos."

Dozens of store employees trying to fight their way out to help the man were also getting trampled by the crowd, Fleming said. Witnesses said that even as the worker lay on the ground, shoppers streamed into the store, stepping over him.

Kimberly Cribbs, who witnessed the stampede, said shoppers were acting like "savages."

"When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling 'I've been on line since yesterday morning,'" she said. "They kept shopping."

The 34-year-old man was taken to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead at about 6 a.m., police said. The exact cause of death has not been determined, and the man's name was not released.

A 28-year-old pregnant woman was taken to a hospital, where she and the baby were reported to be OK, said police Sgt. Anthony Repalone. At least three other people were taken to hospitals with minor injuries.

Police said criminal charges were possible in the case, but Fleming said it would be difficult to identify individual shoppers. Authorities were reviewing surveillance video.

Wal-Mart Stores Inc., based in Bentonville, Ark., called the incident a "tragic situation" and said the employee came from a temporary agency and was doing maintenance work at the store.

"The safety and security of our customers and associates is our top priority," said Dan Fogleman, a company spokesman. "At this point, facts are still being assembled and we are working closely with the Nassau County Police as they investigate what occurred."

Allow me some predictions...

2008-11-27T20:34:00.000-08:00

Texas completely dominated A&M, which was awesome. But OU will probably dominate OSU on the road. Which will not help Texas.

And then OU will go to the Big 12 Championship, who will beat the piss out of Missouri. And then probably will go to the National Championship, who will beat either Florida or Alabama.

And then Texas will beat the dogcrap out of a mediocre Pac-1 team (Probably USC). So there will be co-champions, OU and Texas. Except Texas beat OU. And it wasn't as close as the 45-35 score would indicate.

That's what I say. And it's my blog, so there...

A Very Vegetarian Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T07:53:00.000-08:00

So this is my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian. Allow me to recount to you my own Road to Damascus conversion.

Last January I went to Chicago for work. Because we live so far out in the middle of absolutely nowhere and I had a 6:05am flight, I had to leave for the airport at 3:15am. Now this is January. It was 4 degrees. And early.

Get on the plane in Albany and the pilot gets on the intercom and says, "Just uh..." (and have you noticed that no one has perfected the Pregnant Pause like the commercial airline pilot) "Wanted to give you a weather update." Pause. "In Chicago the air temperature is -2." Pause. "The windchill is -50." Someone said: "-15?" The pilot, as though he could hear us says, "-50."

So that's bad.

As a carnivore, with a wife at home who is a vegetarian, any time I go somewhere for work, I want to eat something I can't get at home. I went to a Persian restaurant near Wrigley Field and ordered something called koubideh.

It turns out koubideh is raw, minced lamb.

I had a rough night. I slept maybe 20 minutes because I was constantly going to the bathroom, but didn't know whether I would be crouching or bending, if you catch my drift. However, in those 20 minutes where I was unconscious, shivering because (a) it was -50 that night, too and (b) I had no fluids in my body, I had a very, very vivid dream that I woke up next a recently deceased prostitute. It was one of those dreams where you wake up gasping for air and scrambling against the wall to look and see how much blood there is.

Within a month I was a vegetarian. Because carrots don't make you have dreams like that.

So this is my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian. Which is interesting, because as this Newsweek article says, there are only about 4.7 million vegetarians in the United States - less than 2% of the nation's population.

And I don't know why, but that makes me feel much better. In the same way that I love the Pernice Brothers, Spoon, White Rabbits and Todd Snider because they're not on the radio. In the same way that I am a Texas fan who married into a family full of OU fans. In the same way that I am an Astros fan in New York.

So today I'm actually giving thanks that the other 296 million are eating turkeys (sometimes stuffed in ducks stuffed in chicken). And I'm not. Because I'm different from you, and that's okay.

You can't tell me this is "only a prank."

2008-11-23T17:47:00.000-08:00

From CNN...

Was it a theft? A prank? A roundabout effort to bring some holiday cheer to the police? Authorities in Harwich, Massachusetts, are probing the mysterious appearance of a piano, in good working condition, in the middle of the woods.

Discovered by a woman who was walking a trail, the Baldwin Acrosonic piano, model number 987, is intact -- and, apparently, in tune.

Sgt. Adam Hutton of the Harwich Police Department said information has been broadcast to all the other police departments in the Cape Cod area in hopes of drumming up a clue, however minor it may be.

But so far, the investigation is flat.

Also of note: Near the mystery piano -- serial number 733746 -- was a bench, positioned as though someone was about to play.

The piano was at the end of a dirt road, near a walking path to a footbridge in the middle of conservation land near the Cape.

It took a handful of police to move the piano into a vehicle to transport it to storage, so it would appear that putting it into the woods took more than one person.

Asked whether Harwich police will be holding a holiday party in the storage bay -- tickling the ivories, pouring eggnog -- while they await word of the piano's origin and fate, Hutton laughed. No such plans.

Harwich police have had some fun, though. Among the photos they sent to the news media is one of Officer Derek Dutra examining the piano in the woods. The police entitled the photo "Liberace."
----

1. This isn't funny.
2. This is insane.
3. There's more to this than we will ever know.

Okay. So...now what happens?

2008-11-22T09:17:00.000-08:00

Big game tonight. Texas Tech vs. Oklahoma.

Texas Tech is #2 in the BCS. OU is #5. Texas is #3.

If Tech wins, they will play Iowa State for the Blind in the Big 12 Championship. If OU wins, hold on, we have a three-way tie where OU beat Tech, Tech beat Texas, but Texas beat OU. The tie-breaker basically goes to the highest ranked team in the BCS.

If OU beats Tech convincingly - at home - look for OU to jump Texas and be the representative from the Big 12 south. If OU barely beats Tech, Texas might be able to stay ahead of OU in the BCS.

Think back to Week 9, the Texas Tech-Texas game. Texas was the BCS #1 team. Tech was ranked 7th, obviously undefeated, and behind one-loss teams USC, Georgia, and Oklahoma. When Tech beat Texas, they jumped five spots in the BCS. So a win over a top-five team has a huge impact on your standing. Whether or not the voters will take into account that it took a last-second play at home to beat Texas depends on how OU wins, should they win.

Of course, if Tech takes care of their business, and talking to my dad - who is from Lubbock - will tell you that is not a certainty, we're not having this conversation. And if Tech does win, we Big 12 supporters had better get our guns up, because if the Big 12 South loses the Big 12 championship, you're looking at USC playing. And we don't want that to happen.

This man will rip your scrotum off.

2008-11-20T17:38:00.001-08:00

Felony assault charges have been dropped against Allen Michael Beckett, if you recall, he nearly "accidentally" castrated Brian Thomas, a Texas Longhorns fan, in a fight at the Henry Hudson’s on NW Expressway:

District Attorney David Prater, who initially charged Beckett with felony aggravated assault, said witnesses have since come forward who said Thomas was the aggressor…

For his part, Beckett said he was minding his own business when Thomas approached him at the bar and threatened to beat him up. He said he only grabbed Thomas after the bigger, younger man tried to pull him from his bar stool.

“He started pulling me out of the chair, so I sprung out of the chair into his chest,” said Beckett, a 22-year Army veteran. “You go straight for ‘em. You don’t hit the dirt, you go straight for the machine gun.”

------

The charges were dropped.

This isn't funny, either

2008-11-19T06:52:00.000-08:00

Chris Martin: 'Coldplay will split up next year'

Frontman says the band will call it a day before they get old

Coldplay's Chris Martin has suggested that he plans to split up the band at the end of 2009.

The frontman told the Daily Express that his decision was based on his view that bands should call it a day before they get too old – saying he wanted to go out with a blast by keeping as busy as possible until 2009 ends.

"I'm 31 now and I don't think that bands should keep going past 33," he said. "So, we're trying to pack in as much as possible. Up until the end of next year, we'll just go for it in every sense.

"I don't believe in time off. We've still got most of our hair, we can still fit into our musical trousers and we've got to make the most of that."

Yeah! No! Wait! That's not funny.

2008-11-18T14:28:00.000-08:00

From the Austin American-Statesman

Book removed from Round Rock middle school libraries

By Bob Banta | Tuesday, November 18, 2008, 10:54 AM

A teen novel that stirred controversy when the parent of a Round Rock student complained that it is obscene was removed from the district’s middle school libraries today.

The novel entitled “TTYL” by Lauren Myracle is a narrative in the format of instant messages exchanged among a group of teenage girls. TTYL is shorthand for “talk to you later.”

Round Rock Superintendent Jesus Chavez sent a letter to Wes and Sherry Jennings on Tuesday saying he had determined that “while the book may be appropriate for some students, it is not appropriate for all of our students in the middle school and should not be made generally available in a middle school library open to all middle school students.”

“If parents wish their individual students to have access to the book, there are ample alternatives for the book to be made available to students at parent discretion,” the superintendent said in his letter.

Sherry Jennings, mother of a Ridgeview Middle School student, filed a complaint at the beginning of this school year after her daughter checked the novel out of the Ridgeview library.

Jennings said Tuesday, “We are extremely pleased that the superintendent is interested in quality education for our children and that he realizes that maturity-wise they are not ready for these types of books.”

Jennings said she objected not only to vulgar language in the book “but also to the sexual content of the entire book.”

Jennings said she and her husband are satisfied with Chavez’s response and plan no further action.

Jennings was scheduled to appear before the school board to argue her complaint on Thursday after previous meetings with school officials proved unsatisfactory to her. Chavez said in the letter to her and her husband that since the book has been removed, the hearing before school trustees will be cancelled.

In late October, a nine-member committee appointed by Chavez decided by a 5 to 4 vote to keep the book on school library shelves. The committee included central administration officials, parents, teachers, and a high school student council member.

On Oct. 9, a six-member Ridgeview panel concluded the book should remain in the Ridgeview library despite the complaint.

----

I'm not happy about this. I take book banning very seriously. To quote Zack de la Rocha, "What we don't know keeps the contracts alive and movin' / They don't gotta burn the books they just remove 'em."

If 1-in-4 think they're above average, what do the other 1-in-4 think?

2008-11-17T15:10:00.000-08:00

So if there are four people in a room, then two of them would be above average, and two would be below average, yes?

I saw a commercial for Secret deodorant, and the profiled hairdresser indicated that she sweats more than the average woman. Then the man with the honey tone got on the voiceover and said "One in four women thinks they sweat more than average." Or something like that, but that's the gist.

So four people are in a room. Two of them sweat less than average. Two of them sweat more than average. One of them realizes they sweat more than average, thus buying Secret. What's with the other one who sweats more than average? That woman is skanchy, and doesn't realize it. It's your duty to buy her Secret. 25% of women are Skanchy, according to Secret.

Buy the Skanchy Woman some Secret. That way all the Skanchy Women sweat the way they're supposed to. And then take the other ones to the gym. Then buy them Secret, too.

Dude. Country music?

2008-11-12T19:05:00.001-08:00

I challenge you to name one country song that is not (a) sad, (b) depressing, (c) hokey (She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy comes to mind).

We're currently watching what I presume to be the Country Music Awards and Carrie Underwood, Secretary of Estrogen, is singing about how "this can't be happening to me." I don't know about you, but I listen to music generally to get away from being sad and wanting to cry. Sure, when it's cloudy and snowing, I'll throw on some - wow, Vince Gill looks like Lance Berkman! - Travis or Nick Drake. But come on. I'm depressed enough.

Yet it's interesting - the topical similarities between country and rap. Think about it and - this is a generalization, I realize - country's subject matter deals with how things cannot possibly worse. Rap's subject matter - again, a realization - tells you things can always get better.

Sometime soon we'll discuss the meteorological implications of East Coast vs. West Coast rap.

Wow

2008-11-10T16:56:00.000-08:00

We interrupt this political commentary for a funny picture.

2008-11-05T16:34:00.000-08:00

Oh that's a kid. Dressed as Kansas football coach Mark Mangino. Now keep reading below...

2008-11-05T16:08:00.000-08:00

Look, it's easy to try to be philosophical about this when your guy wins. But trust me, I know how you feel. For eight years now my guy hasn't been in the White House. But you know what I did? I prayed for the guy, anyway. And I prayed for our country.

Writer and diplomat Joseph Marie de Maistre (1753-1821) was a smart guy. He once said, “False opinions are like false money, struck first of all by guilty men and thereafter circulated by honest people who perpetuate the crime without knowing what they are doing.”

But he also said, "Every country has the government it deserves."

I've seen some pretty hateful things said about a guy who has done nothing but campaign on a platform of hope and changing America with a pretty clearly articulated plan for achieving both. The problem was for a long time McCain campaigned on what a bad guy Obama is, and how terrible Obama's plan is. And it seems like my Republican friends bought into it - which makes sense, given the fact that's how it works when you trust somebody to run the country, and not their opponent.

Just to be clear, though. Obama - and this is from Fox News - is not a Muslim.

In fact, in an April 2004 (and just to be clear, again, that's four years ago) Chicago Sun-Times article, Obama says, "I am a Christian...So, I have a deep faith," Obama continues. "I'm rooted in the Christian tradition. I believe that there are many paths to the same place, and that is a belief that there is a higher power, a belief that we are connected as a people. That there are values that transcend race or culture, that move us forward, and there's an obligation for all of us individually as well as collectively to take responsibility to make those values lived."

It's okay to be upset McCain didn't win. It's okay to be upset Obama did win. But over 60 million people voted for Obama - and they're all Americans, too, and it's not okay to say they're not.

And if you're still not convinced, Obama did say this on college football: "I'm fed up with these computer rankings and this and that and the other. Get eight teams -- the top eight teams right at the end. You got a playoff."

On election predictions and the media

2008-11-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

CNN is predicting an extremely tight race, including a segment from last night's Situation Room in which a considerable amount of time was spent breaking down what happens if there's a tie in the Electoral College.

Fox News is all about the drama on their website as well.

But Karl Rove is predicting a landslide. The pretty-incredible blog 538 is also predicting a heavy win for Obama.

What's the story?

All networks need a tight race so that you're not watching That 70's Show by 10pm. Drama has to be created so that you'll stay up all night, like I did in 2000, to see who will be the new president. How late will you stay up?

Election Day

2008-11-04T06:16:00.000-08:00

In 2000, George W. Bush won Florida's electoral votes - and the presidency - by 537 out of 5,963,110 votes.

Campaigning for a seat on the Massachusetts Governor's Council on the day of the primary in 1988, Herbert Connelly lost track of time and arrived at the poll a few minutes after they closed, unable to vote. He lost by one vote.

Marcus Morton was elected Governor of Massachusetts in 1839 by one vote out of 102,066 votes cast.

One vote in the Electoral College got Rutherford B. Hayes elected in 1876.

Your vote matters.

On loss, and the national champsionship.

2008-11-02T05:09:00.000-08:00

Loss is a part of everybody's life, it's the concluding scene in everyone's existence. I realize how over-dramatic that is, but it's true (partially why I philosophically enjoy baseball more than any other sport) in college football.

Let's be clear, Texas did not play well. At all. They didn't show up in the 1st quarter, couldn't run the ball all night long, and couldn't play defense when it mattered (oh Blake Gideon, if only...). My experiment with loyalty is officially over. I was just completely devastated last night, until I fell asleep, and now I'm just mad, but I can't deny how I wanted to cause damage to any and all inanimate objects around me.

As I saw Red Raider fans getting their guns up and storming the field, I swear my blood pressure was 220 over 170. My pulse was 140. It was 23 degrees outside and I didn't put a coat on, as I took my faithful beasts out immediately following the game in order to not show my wife a side of me that does not make an appearance too often, and of whom I am not proud.

I hate it when Texas loses. If anyone asks me about the game at work (some of you are allowed, because we have a history), I might punch them in the face.

I'm happy when OU wins, happier when Texas wins, and happiest when Texas beats OU. I want OU to go 11-1 every year. I just happen to want Texas to go 12-0. And A&M to go 1-11 (beating Texas Tech).

--

You can't reasonably place USC ahead of Texas in the poll. USC has played high school teams, except for a good win against Ohio State and a demolition of Oregon. And I'm serious about high school teams - go back and see how many Pac-10 teams are starting true freshmen. Texas has played Top-11 teams in each of the last four weeks. Not counting bowl games, you have to go back to November 25, 2006 for USC to play four Top-11 teams.

And yes, I know this is the anger talking.

World Series

2008-10-30T03:44:00.000-07:00

I always get sad the day after the World Series ends. More so in New York, because it only means five months of weather-related misery and seasonal depression.

However, there is some relief associated with it, as well. Baseball, when you think about it, is a hard sport to follow. In basketball, it's rare that teams play consecutive games. In football, there's only a once-a-week time commitment. Hockey doesn't exist anymore, so that's out, too. But baseball is like a brother - always there.

Six games per week. It's a legitimate part-time job. Eighteen hours a week. No other sport teaches about the ebbs and flows of life better than baseball. The team with the best record in baseball - the 1906 Cubs - still only won 76% of their games. That's a C in any school.

Baseball teaches you that, every now and then, you're going to lose. And even if you're terrible, every now and then, you're going to win. You're going to win games you have no business winning, and you're going to lose games you have no business losing. In college football, if you lose once, there's a pretty good chance you won't win it all (unless you're USC). In baseball you can't reasonably be expected to win three out of five and it takes everybody to have a good team (compared to the NBA, when you really only need three guys to dominate).

When the weather gets cold, you stay inside and wait for spring. And when Spring Training comes, even though it's still 10 degrees in New York, the hope of warm weather - and the hope of feeling what Phillies' fans are feeling right now - comes with it.

It's like a relationship. And me and baseball? We're on a break. Until Valentine's Day.

Snow

2008-10-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you what. This crap is not good. 13"-14" of snow tonight. It's not even November. What is that. Bullcrap.

Regarding My Application for Status as a Genius

2008-10-18T12:16:00.000-07:00

So this big project (see previous post). I helped find relevant images and integrate them into the broadcast. Pictures of Comiskey Park, pictures of sheet music, and pictures of Wrigley Field.

Many of these images had no dates. Dates are important, especially in an educational program. Some of them we had to put the magical "c." in front of (which basically is the same thing as saying "Legend has it..." before telling a completely ridiculous and utterly untrue story. You can say whatever you want as long as you say "Legend has it..." before - because who can argue with Legend?)

I had to come through on one of those dates. It was an image of the outfield at Wrigley Field. That's it. Here's how I found the date:

1. The game was taking place at night - that means it's after August 9, 1988.

2. It was at Wrigley Field, meaning the Cubs were at home after August 9, 1988.

3. Zooming in on the scoreboard in centerfield, Raul Mondesi was batting.

4. Raul Mondesi's batting stats were .293 with 24 home runs and 79 runs batted in.

5. The only years Raul Mondesi hit more than 24 home runs and had 79 runs batted, and could have played at Wrigley Field, meaning he was with a National League team (because statistics revert to .000, 0 HR, 0 RBI in the playoffs), were from 1995-1999.

6. If you look at Raul Mondesi's stat line from 1995 (thankfully the first year he could have done this), you see that going into the first game of the series - September 11, 1995 - at Wrigley Field, Mondesi was batting .293. Count up the home runs, and he had 24. Count up the RBIs and he had 79.

7. Given that Mondesi went 0-for-3 in the game, his batting average would have dropped from .293 by the end of his first at-bat.

8. The Dodgers sent five men to the plate in the top of the 1st, Mondesi grounded out to second base to end the inning.

9. So the dateless image can be traced to the top of the 1st inning of the September 11, 1995 game between the Dodgers and the Cubs. The Cubs won 12-1.

I didn't know it was that clear cut

2008-10-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hello Brooklyn, nice to know ya...

Ahh, words from the wordsmith, Shawn Carter (Jay-Z). I'm in Brooklyn, working on a big project set for Tuesday. I miss my wife.

But as I was driving down Interstate 81 outside of Scranton, Pennsylvania, I saw a billboard that said "Shooting Hoops or Shooting Heroin - talk to your kids." I didn't think it was that clear cut. I mean, I didn't shoot hoops, and I certainly never did the other thing. Conversely, I think Leonardo DiCaprio showed us you can do both. Just neither of them well. And if you do, watch out for Bruno Kirby giving you the Whatfor.

So that got me thinking - what's the strangest billboard you've ever seen?

Franz Ferdinand

2008-10-15T04:30:00.000-07:00

I need more time to digest last Saturday's game between Texas and Oklahoma. But first, let's be honest, good win for Texas, pretty good loss for Oklahoma. Both teams played well, but the refereeing left a bit to be desired. Actually the officiating was atrocious. The interception in the end zone should have at least been kicked up to the booth for a replay. The call where Colt McCoy fell on his own accord on the sidelines and OU was called for roughing the passer was ridiculous.

There are some people in a game who should be immune to pressure - and the referees looked as keyed up as the players, and they are to be the arbiters of justice. You never want to come away from a game thinking about the referee.

That said, Franz Ferdinand's third studio album will be released January 27th. Thought you might want to know...

The boxer formerly known as a previously recognizable Samuel Peter

2008-10-12T16:52:00.001-07:00

Wow. Yeah, he lost.

Take a look at this picture of Brian Cashman

2008-10-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

Red River Rivalry

2008-10-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

Every time I think of this game, I think of Roy Williams (the OU one) jumping over from Reunion Arena to land in Chris Simms' body and reach in and split him open, Matrix-style.

This game strikes fear in me. Because, let's be honest, I've never been open to embracing OU. They were the ones in Maroon, face-less and evil. North of the border. Banshees. They came to our shores and took our players and brainwashed them to a place that, according to their State Department of Tourism, is "OK." Not great, but OK.

So great. GameDay will be there. Great. Herbstreit and Corso. I like Chris Fowler, but ugh. The Austin American-Statesman reports that the team with who wins the battle of turnovers (apple, or fumbles) has won nine of the last ten times. Last year OU won 28-21, and that was the closest margin in a decade, mainly because the referee popped the ball out of Jamaal Charles' hands on the 4-yard line. The referee was later proved to have been wearing Sooner Schooner underwear. Look it up.

The second turnover of the game happened when Colt McCoy threw the ball to Jamaal Charles and Bob Stoops ran on the field and tipped the ball to an OU defender.

Texas and OU have both forced five fumbles, and OU has forced two more interceptions - four - than Texas has.

I think Texas is either going to win by one. Or lose by 30.

I'll tell you what I've noticed doing this for six weeks: The Austin American-Statesman reports solely on Texas' progress in preparing for the next game. The Oklahoman focuses on the heroic qualities of the Sooner players.

Yes, this is exactly what it looks like...

2008-10-05T17:39:00.001-07:00

...A-Rod wiping his face with a $100 bill.

Meet the guys who didn't put OU #1

2008-10-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Found here:

Brett Bloomquist - The El Paso Times - Alabama (followed by OU, LSU, Mizzou, Texas)
Steve Conroy - Boston Herald - Alabama (OU, Mizzou, Texas, LSU)
Ray Fittipaldo - Pittsburgh Post - Missouri (OU, Alabama, LSU, Texas)
Jason Franchuk - Provo (Utah) Daily Herald - Alabama (OU, Missouri, LSU, Texas)
Joe Giglio - Raleigh News & Observer - Alabama (OU, LSU, Missouri, Penn State, #6 Texas)
Anthony Gimino - Tucson Citizen - Alabama (OU, Missouri, LSU, Penn State, Texas, Vanderbilt)
Glenn Guilbeau - Gannett Louisiana - Alabama (#2 LSU - nice, homer - OU, Missouri, Texas)
Doug Lesmerises - Cleveland Plain Dealer - Alabama (OU, Missouri, Penn State, Texas, Vanderbilt, #7 LSU)
Jim Mashek - Biloxi Sun Herald - Alabama (OU, LSU, Texas, Missouri)
Brett McMurphy - Tampa Tribune - Alabama (OU, LSU, Missouri, Penn State, #6 Texas)
John Silver - Manchester Journal Inquirer - Alabama (OU, LSU, Missouri, Penn State, #6 Texas)
Adam Van Brimmer- Savannah Morning News - Alabama (OU, LSU, Missouri, Texas)
Scott Wolf - Los Angeles Daily News - Alabama (LSU, OU, Missouri, Texas)

The best thing about news sources on the internet

2008-10-05T05:27:00.000-07:00

Is the message boards. If you read the message board for this article about the Cubs' latest postseason mishap, you'll eventually come across my favorite post of all time...

From Adam in Mesa, AZ...

"I want Fired Pinella and pitch coach damn right now...."

From Robert in Chicago...

"UNCLE! I'm done. Enough is enough. These clowns have blamed a goat, gatorade and even their own fan for their losses but the problems always been themselves. If the Sox win the next game, I'm moving my loyalty to the South Side. Every cub should defect. Maybe then they'd learn."

Querstion

2008-10-05T05:10:00.000-07:00

Should I start following hockey?

Baylor starting to gain some confidence, I guess

2008-10-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

This ain't the same old Baylor.

Offensive tackle Jason Smith "doesn't make guarantees" but apparently can see the future when he referred "this win" over Oklahoma. This is strange, because OU and Baylor don't play until Saturday.

Let's give Baylor a +1 for their confidence. Apparently three consecutive wins will make you feel invincible (even if they are against Northwestern State, Washington State and Connecticut). Three wins will make you forget that you haven't beaten a Big 12 opponent - not even Iowa State - in 12 consecutive games.

If you're upset that Baylor gets +1, don't worry, it will be removed by 12:45 on Saturday afternoon.

Playoffs

2008-10-01T19:18:00.000-07:00

No. Not the Jim Mora version. Possibly the best thing about Fall is that college football teams are starting to separate themselves into contenders, not pre-anointed media darlings (cough, cough, USC, cough cough). But the MLB playoffs started this afternoon.

It wasn't until the 1970s that any baseball playoff game was played at night - I want to say 1979 in Pittsburgh. It's either 1971 or 1979, because it was definitely in Pittsburgh. I'm sitting here in my chair. Dog is out from under the armoire (see Kami's blog for an explanation) and at my feet. It's 10:23pm and it's the bottom of the 1st inning. That's right. If I want to watch the entire Red Sox-Angels game, I will have to stay up until about 1am (the Red Sox are patient hitters, to a fault). Do you know how many kids will get to watch ANY of this game? 1%. Sure, their parents might let them stay up as long as they can, but they'll be asleep on the couch by the third inning.

How is this a good idea and good for baseball? Apparently day games would hamper ticket sales. That's apparently not the case in Philadelphia, as they sold over 45,000 tickets (105% capacity) to a game that started at 3pm. You're shutting out an entire generation of fans, for no real good reason. You're telling me that I'm watching this game now at 11:11pm and it's the top of the 4th inning. You're telling me that Angels fans, having shelled out $X00 for tickets to their game would not then be willing to take a few hours of vacation time to make it to the game.

Alienating an entire generation of fans - who never have a chance to be a fan of whatever team is winning (they are still kids) - because you're not willing to lose that "prime time" spot. What are we missing out on? One Tree Hill reruns? Reno 911? If the idea is to keep your existing fans, making it to where it takes a gallon of coffee to function the morning after games is not the way to do it. If the idea is to draw new fans who only watch the playoffs, making it to where they can only watch the first six innings isn't the way to do it, either. And if you're making sure that the ones who will be watching the games in 20 years never see a World Series game now, that's pretty stupid, too.

2008-10-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

Give me a break

2008-09-30T06:20:00.000-07:00

The BIL sent this to me today. A campaign site for Graham Harrell and Michael Crabtree for awards. A couple of things about this:

1. It's called "Pass or Catch 2008." I didn't know that you could catch without the pass. To make any sort of sense, it should be "Pass and Catch 2008."

2. I can understand if someone like Prairie View or Utah State put up a website like this to raise awareness of their players. But Tech is a Big 12, BCS school. The only thing they need to do to raise awareness about their players is to maybe beat someone other than Eastern Washington, Nevada, SMU and UMass.

3. This is exactly the kind of hokey bullcrap I expected...

Tuesday Catch-Up

2008-09-30T04:09:00.001-07:00

So OU has been ranked #1 more than any other team in the country - passing Notre Dame for 96 weeks at #1. OU has also converted 18 touchdowns and 1 field goal in 19 trips to the red zone and has yet to lose a fumble. That's nice. +1 (OU +2).

But I hate Arkansas (always have. And now that B*bby P***ino is their coach, it's fanned). They're one of my top 5 hated teams (USC, Texas A&M, Ohio State, Tennessee, Arkansas). So when UT dismantled them 52-10, I was very happy. Colt McCoy is 2nd in the country in passing efficiency (behind Sam Bradford) and, provided they beat Colorado - who is still probably mad about losing 70-3 in the Big 12 Title Game in '05 - UT will face Top 5 teams in consecutive games. Texas +1 (OU +1).

Promoted!

2008-09-28T05:12:00.000-07:00

There's a family across the street from us (and down a little bit) who have three kids. Their house is on the Preferred Route that Gunther and Angus like to walk by. We saw the parents last night and the father told me that his son said "There are two kinds of people. Dorks and Cool People." I can't argue with that. But apparently, as I walked by last week, the son looked at his dad and said, "That guy (meaning me) is cool."

I was ecstatic, because that means that, somewhere between high school and last week I got promoted!

Two of 'em Pink

2008-09-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

Kami got pink eye in both eyes. So Kami got pink eyes. Then she gave it to me. I went to the doctor and was given a prescription to put ointment in my eyes. In my eyes. Kami had to do it last night and I thought "At least I don't have to do that." Then I go and get the ointment myself. I hate putting things near my eyes. So the only way this could be worse was to have a monkey put the ointment in my eyes on a bridge. Do you miss me, Miss Misery, like you say you do...

At least I'm home all weekend. Last weekend of the MLB regular season. USC loses last night. Georgia and Alabama tomorrow night. Now if only I can get this ointment in.

How to fail with dignity

2008-09-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

More Museum Insanity!

2008-09-24T18:10:00.000-07:00

Man rescued from museum air vent has prior arrests

In Oct. 2007, judge ordered mental health treatments

By Don Jacobs (Contact)
Saturday, September 20, 2008

A man rescued from an air vent in the Knoxville Museum of Art after he calmly called E-911 for help had been ordered a year ago by a judge to undergo mental health treatments.

Richard Anthony Smith garnered attention this week after police and firefighters used a safety harness to pull the 25-year-old Knoxville man from the air vent at the museum. Smith used the rope from a flagpole atop the building at 1050 World's Fair Park Drive to lower himself down the vent.

But as a recording of Smith's 4:27 a.m. Wednesday call with a call processor at E-911 shows, the chute got too narrow for the 5-foot-5-inch, 135-pound man who claimed to be a secret agent.

The Knox County E-911 Center released the recording to the media after the passage of 48 hours. The E-911 Center's Board of Directors adopted a policy that delays for two days the release of any emergency recordings unless the agency involved with the call agrees to waive the policy.

Knoxville Police Chief Sterling P. Owen IV, citing the potential investigative value of the recording, declined to agree to an earlier release of the call.

The recording shows Smith stoically relating his predicament to the call processor, after he identifies himself as an agent with "the United States Illuminati Order."

"Right now, I am currently stuck inside of the air-conditioning unit on top of the Knoxville Museum of Art downtown at the World's Fair Park," Smith told the call processor via his cell phone.

"I was here trying to complete a mission that's gone terribly wrong."

After explaining his location, Smith closed the call with, "Thank you kindly. I'll sit tight."

Officers located Smith at 4:51 a.m., records show. His first words to the officers were "Mission failed."

Police officers enlisted the aid of a Knoxville Fire Department ladder truck and lifted Smith from the vent. He was about 45 feet down the vent.

Smith told officers he had been assigned to defuse a Soviet nuclear bomb hidden in a blue plastic cow sculpture in the basement of the museum. Smith, however, related that he had been informed during his effort that the device actually was in a Memphis museum.

Police charged Smith with aggravated burglary. He was being held Friday in a Knox County jail in lieu of $2,000 bond.

The arrest was the fourth for Smith since last year, according to Knox County court records. He was arrested in July 2007 on charges of public intoxication and aggravated criminal trespassing.

Upon convicting Smith of the trespassing charge in October 2007, a judge placed Smith on probation for a year, ordered him to pay restitution of $520 to Baptist Eye Surgeons on Kay Street and to show proof of continued mental health treatment.

But on Feb. 1, Smith was charged with criminal trespassing, theft, criminal impersonation and evading arrest. Records show Smith was found in Baptist Hospital of East Tennessee on Blount Avenue with keys, an identification for a registered nurse, and other hospital items. Smith previously had been ordered to stay off the property, records show.

On Feb. 18, Smith was charged with theft after he told police he had been occasionally staying in rest rooms and stairwells at the University of Tennessee Medical Center since Jan. 26, according to court records. He also said he had consumed about $10 worth of food and drink from the medical offices.

Smith is to appear Sept. 29 in Knox County General Sessions Court on the charges leveled in February.

------

1. This is an absolutely true, copied word-for-word story.

2. This is just bat%$#^ crazy enough to be true. It's possible the Soviets (his word, not mine. I would have used "Russian") have something going on, and could have confused Knoxville for Memphis.

3. He had keys and a Registered Nurse identification for a hospital. That's pretty incredible.

4. I'm not sold on this not being true.

Beach skull may be from museum

2008-09-24T06:36:00.000-07:00

As I keep up with what's going on with museums, I've been building a little database of articles from around the world dealing with a number of issues museums face. I came across this from the Herald-Sun in Australia on September 16...

A SKULL which was found washed up on a Sydney beach may have come from a museum, university or private collection.
While forensic tests are continuing, early indications are that the circumstances that led the skull to wash up on Mona Vale on the Northern Beaches are not suspicious.

Police said many lines of inquiry are being pursued, including with museums and academic institutions, as well as known private collectors of skeletal remains.

The skull, believed to be that of a child, was found about 6.45am last Friday by a person walking along the beach.

It was taken to Glebe Morgue for DNA and orthodontic testing.

---

I think, first of all, anytime a skull washes up on a beach, it should immediately be considered "suspicious." If it's from a museum or private collection, there's no instance in which it is - conservationally speaking - acceptable for a skull to find its way into the ocean.

Mmm. This is not a good sign.

2008-09-19T12:47:00.001-07:00

This story, from the World Wide Leader

METAIRIE, La. -- The "piano man," Joey Harrington, has landed a new gig in New Orleans.

He'll be playing third fiddle behind starting quarterback Drew Brees and backup Mark Brunell.

Harrington signed with the Saints and participated in his first practice Friday at the team's suburban training center, a day before the Saints were set to leave for Sunday's game at Denver.

Harrington, a standout at Oregon also known for his talent as a pianist, has spent six seasons in the NFL since being drafted third overall by Detroit in 2002. He played for Miami in 2006 and for Atlanta last season.

He appeared in 12 games for the Falcons, completing nearly 62 percent of his passes for 2,215 yards, seven touchdowns and eight interceptions.

The Saints opened training camp with three quarterbacks, but cut Tyler Palko before the regular season.

To make room on the active roster, the Saints waived defensive tackle Alvin McKinley.

Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press

---

1. It's not a good sign you're backing up Mark Brunell, who is 38 years old, but we'll cut Joey some slack as he's been on the team less than 24 hours.

2. It's confirmed that it's not a good sign when, in the first line of the story, ESPN gives you a non-related nickname, and then goes on to talk about what you might be better at than football.

Texas' RB

2008-09-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

Texas has a running back named Foswhitt (Fozzy) Whitaker. +1 (OU +1).

Ask Mack

2008-09-18T11:33:00.000-07:00

The Austin American-Statesman has a segment, apparently, called "Ask Mack."

Here's the piece, there's only one question:

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

ASK MACK

This week's question: How did last week's postponement affect team preparations?

Mack's answer: "We started Rice Thursday morning early as coaches. We got them on the practice field and we talked only about Rice, then we gave them assignments for the weekend. We wanted them to watch Kansas-South Florida. We wanted them to see what that was like. We wanted to them to see Missouri and Oklahoma, any team that we were playing. We wanted them to look down the road a little bit here because it was an open date. They can see the standard we're going to have to play to because we've got some of the best teams in the country right now on our schedule."

---

Check an English book and Mack's grammar officially rates Piss Poor. Wouldn't you think the AA-S would perhaps edit ol' Mack? I have no idea what Coach is talking about. Texas -1 (OU +2).

Curt Schilling vs. Ed Rooney

2008-09-18T11:20:00.000-07:00

I'd like to point something out, if I may.

Curt Schilling ripped Manny Ramirez for being Manny in Boston, six weeks after he was traded. I'm not here to argue about whether or not Curt should have spoken up after this long. What I am here to do is to call your attention between the picture of Schilling in the Yahoo story, and the picture of Ed Rooney, principal in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Enjoy.

Unreal!

2008-09-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

From this article on ESPN:

Report: Congo soccer riot over 'witchcraft' leaves 11 dead

KINSHASA , Congo -- At least 11 people were killed in a stadium riot in eastern Congo after a soccer player tried to use witchcraft to win a local match, U.N.-backed Radio Okapi reported on Monday.

Nyuki club was losing to local rivals Socozaki on Sunday when Nyuki's goalkeeper advanced up the field and tried to use "fetishist" spells to turn the tide of the match, Okapi said, without giving more details.

When a police commander tried to break up an ensuing brawl between rival players, members of the crowd pelted him with rocks, the radio added.

Police fired teargas in response, causing a stampede to the exits in which 11 people were killed and several injured, Okapi said.

As elsewhere in Africa, many Congolese hold traditional animist beliefs and use spells, fetishes and charms to practise witchcraft, often combined with other religions like Christianity or Islam.

Sunday's riot happened in Butembo, in North Kivu province, where fighting between the army and rebels has raged on despite the official end of a 1998-2003 war that has killed an estimated 5.4 million people through violence, hunger and disease.

Saturday recap

2008-09-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

So it's well-documented how we turned our cable off eight months ago. In light of the hurricane heading to Houston we had it turned back on and KHOU was broadcasting on DirecTV, so we were able to watch Houston coverage, not CNN ("Your Hurricane Headquareters...This Is The Best Thing To Happen To Us") coverage, or the Weather Channel's fifteenth attempt to kill Jim Cantore. To recap, Kami's parents are okay, their house is not. My parents are okay, their house is. My grandparents okay, their house is not. Good to hear that the Boyds are okay, too. Interestingly enough, Kami's dad was KHOU's eye on Baytown. He was the one they talked to about living on the water in Baytown. So whenever we heard from "Lakewood Man" on tv, we knew the Ellis' were okay.

Also, football was played, but not in Austin. I'm unsure of how to handle points here, probably as usual because this was basically Texas' bye-week and OU's will come later. Let's just give Texas a pre-emptive +1 for canceling the game to make sure everyone stayed safe.

OU beat the snot out of Washington. I thought this game would be much, much closer as Washington should have defeated a ranked team at home last week, but was jobbed out of a chance to tie the game with two seconds left. I thought they would play with a chip on their shoulder. If they did, the chips were Funyans, because they stunk up the joint. You've got to think Ty Willingham has to work some magic in the Pac-10 this year if he wants to keep his job. He is in the next-to-last year of his contract. A couple of notes about Washington's performance:

1) It was their worst home loss since USC beat UW 48-0 in 1929.

2) It's the 2nd time in five seasons UW started 0-3.

3) The ball was in OU receiver Jermaine Gresham's hands before UW's O-line was in their three-point stance.

4) UW QB Jake Locker led the team with 44 yards rushing.

5) The first three comments on the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's article "Oklahoma Rampage Leaves Huskies 0-3":
a. I’ve been following the Huskies for decades. This was the most pathetic performance I have ever seen. This is a bye week. Fire Willingham tomorrow, and bring back Don James or Jim Lambright to finish out the rest of the year, and then hire a new coach next year.
b. Just 9 more games left, thankfully.
c. We are seeing a truly dark period in Husky football history.

6) OU punted on their first two possessions, and then scored on their next seven possessions.

So +1 to Bob Stoops for winning his 100th game in a convincing fashion (when I thought this would be a tough game). OU retains a +1 advantage...

Hurricane updates, and a picture - for levity.

2008-09-13T04:12:00.000-07:00

So Kami and I both talked to our parents this morning and everyone is hanging in there. Lots of wind and rain (this is the worst weather report ever....except the guy on KHOU who just said "Damn" as part of his report). But everyone is safe, and houses are okay.

Here's a picture, to make you laugh...

Bad news, officiating-wise

2008-09-09T04:30:00.001-07:00

Remember when OU got scrizzled by the officials in the Oregon game a few years ago? I didn't see the game, because we were in the car, but we did listen to some of it. But we missed the part where officials erroneously gave possession of an onside kick to Oregon. We missed it live, anyway, because faithful reader (and my b-i-l) Roy called us on the phone all breathless and squeaky.

Well, it's not like Pac-1 (not a typo) officiating has gotten any better (see: BYU-Washington). It's the rule of our society, if at first you're completely incompetent, a promotion is soon to come. The crew chief for the OU-Oregon game, Dave Cutaia, is now the head of officiating in the Pac-1. Cutaia and other officials that game were suspended and the replay official retired and never came back. Good progress report...

Texas' Lamarr Houston

2008-09-09T04:22:00.000-07:00

Arrested for a drunk-driving charge after the Florida Wherever game, Mack Brown suspended Texas standout Lamarr Houston for three games. Houston requested to speak to the media yesterday in Austin. Read the article and read the statements, (excerpts here)...

"It's not the way I was raised,'' Houston said of what he described as a "poor decision" and "doing the wrong thing."

"I want to be a good role model for other kids, and I don't want them to see me in this light." "Just make the right decision," Houston said when asked what he'd tell his teammates. "Be responsible. Don't drink and drive. Don't be out late at night. Just do the right thing."

That's nice. Texas +1 (E)

But then Mack Brown said he'd play Saturday, one game into his suspension. This doesn't have anything to do with Arkansas coming to town...no, surely not. Texas -1 (OU +1).

Bert & Ernie Gangsta Rap

2008-09-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

A Gold Mine!

2008-09-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

So I found this, how each AP voter ranked their Top 25. Let's use this to compare notes from Austin's paper and Oklahoma City's station...

Kirk Bohls (Austin American-Statesman):
1. USC
2. East Carolina
3. OU
4. Florida
5. Georgia
8. Texas

I don't like that USC is #1. I wish I could go back to the two previous polls and see how he voted, but I can't. Maybe he had USC all along. East Carolina at #2? At first I thought "preposterous!" But then again, none of the other 118 schools played - and defeated - two ranked teams. And ECU didn't just beat West Virginia, they whooped 'em. No hometown call here as Texas ranks 8th, five behind OU.

Interestingly, no one from The Oklahoman is an AP voter, so here we have Myron Patton of KOKH-TV in Oklahoma City...

1. Georgia
2. USC
3. Ohio State
4. Oklahoma
5. Florida

8. Texas

No homer here, either, as Patton puts a mediocre Ohio State team ahead of OU. Thankfully Patton has seen that if a pre-season #1 team dominates both its games, then there's no reason to put a team who has only played one mediocre-to-crappy team on the road ahead of them.

This story is even, OU retains a 1-point lead. And I haven't hit the Austin papers yet.

Early Returns

2008-09-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

This article, about Cincinnati QB Dustin Grutza went and done got his leg broke in a sack.

Here's an excerpt, from Cincy wideout Mardy Gilyard's perspective:

“I actually watched it all happen. It was kinda... it was really hard just to watch our quarterback get folded like he did and the things that went on underneath that pile, that the refs didn't see.
“Grutza was kind of twisted up underneath a couple guys. I seen a couple of guys reaching and grabbing and doing a little twisting that they shouldn't have been doing around his face, rolling over on his ankle here and there. Just stuff that wasn't good ball in my opinion, just wasn't good ball.”

Here's Grutza's take:

“I felt like a dude dove in or fell right on my right leg,” Grutza said. “One guy was kind of holding me up and another guy fell on my leg. I knew it was pretty bad.”

So there's no point penalization on OU for this, I'm guessing any reaching and grabbing and doing a little twisting happens in every single dogpile. We have two dogs, and when they form a pile there are all sorts of unmentionable things going on.l

But then Grutza singled out Stoops:

“He came up and told me I played a great game,” Grutza said. “He told me I was a great player and stuff. He's a great guy and that shows class.”

OU +1 (OU +1 on the season).

Gameday: Week 2

2008-09-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

So let's clarify as we head into a slate of games today - the point system.

I will assign points throughout the weeks of the football season, and whoever has more points at the end of the Bowl Games will gain my loyalty. Hopefully you've seen that this is not a "Colt McCoy is cool = +1. Bob Stoops yells a lot = -1." I promise I'm being objective (this is a passive response to my wife, who accused me of using this to spin stories my way to make sure Texas comes out on top. That's not true. OU has a 50% chance of winning this thing).

My friend Dion, a transplanted Texan in the Coop, is livid that I'm even considering this. He has an interesting take, in that, because I have to give OU money every month - which I need to do. Crap. - I should hate them. Interesting, but that will not be the case.

So in the spirit of good sportsmanship, either team could win - I really don't know.

Good news!

2008-09-05T07:26:00.001-07:00

Both the OU/Cincinnati game and the Texas/UTEP game will be on ESPN360.com tomorrow, so I'll be able to watch both games. Let's hear it for technology...